Criminal Minds December, 2018
It has taken me years to collect these little stories, mainly because I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to write them down most times.
A San Diego Sheriff’s Deputy pulled over a drunk driver who was weaving down Escondido Blvd. When he approached the car the driver was sitting with his eyes closed, his hands over his ears, and singing “la la la la I can’t hear you!”
A big-item burglar in Des Moines Iowa tried to steal a generator from the roof of a church in the dead of winter. While lowering the generator over the edge in freezing rain, the knife like metal sliced through his jacket. He later died of complications from exposure.
In Key West, Florida (apparently near Margaritaville) a shop lifter hid live lobsters in his pants. When the action started, he fell to the floor screaming. The store owner decided not to press charges saying, “He has suffered enough.”
Denise Davidson hired a hit man to kill her estranged husband. She called the trigger man 52 times in one hour to find out why he was behind schedule with his assignment.
In 1964, the son of the Mayor of Raytown, Missouri stole a brand new Pontiac GTO. He had already been given a new Corvette by his parents. Though living with his parents, he parked the GTO two blocks from their home so they wouldn’t find out. He would drive the Corvette to the GTO and park the Corvette. Then return and swap cars again to drive home. One of the neighbors saw this three days in a row and called the police.
One criminal kept a photo album of all his crime scenes. They only needed to arrest him once.
A robber in France walked into a bank with a gun and a pair of underpants on his head carefully positioned so he could look through a leg hole. The 82 year old bank guard called out to challenge him. The robber turned, looked at the guard, and dismissed him as too old to bother with. When he turned back toward the teller, the leg hole had moved, and his vision was blocked. He tripped and accidentally shot himself in the leg. The 82 year old guard arrested him and held him for the police.
A local San Diego fellow was shooting pool in a bar with a tourist couple from Michigan. He invited them to a party; the couple drove off with him in the backseat of their rental car. Three blocks from the bar he pulled a gun and carjacked them, taking their wallet, purse, and luggage. Not knowing anyone in San Diego they walked back to the bar where they told the story of what had just happened. The bartender turned his back on them for a moment and then showed the couple a driver’s license, saying, “is this the fellow?” The criminal had left his license when he checked out the rack of pool balls. From the moment they left for the party until the idiot was arrested encompassed less than one hour because the police found him at his home with the Michigan couple’s car in the driveway, and the contents of her purse spread out on his living room floor.
A man that really needed money, and apparently a job, wrote a stickup note and handed it to a bank teller. He was initially successful until the teller realized, that in the excitement, the man had left the stickup note which was written on the back of his resume.