Talking Dog April 2020
Sam was driving down a dirt road near Gassville, Arkansas when he saw a rough, hand-written sign on a farmhouse that said, “Talking Dog $15.” Doing a brody, Sam went back up the road. He knocked on the door, and an old farmer came out with a curt, “What do you want?” Sam said, “What’s the deal with the talking dog?” The old farmer said, “Go around the back and look.” Sam knew that Arkansas farmers loved to play tricks on people, but he went along the side of the farmhouse being careful not to brush off whatever little paint was left on the siding. In the backyard he found a moss-covered, low picket fence with an older mixed Labrador retriever just beyond.
He hemmed and hawed for a while and finally said, “So you are a talking dog?“ The dog responded, ” Well, yes I am.” Sam said, ” That’s amazing. What’s your story?” Then the dog responded,
“At a very early age I realized as a pup that I could both speak and understand the English language. I thought to myself, what can I do to take advantage of this?” So I contacted the CIA and they made me an agent. They flew me all over the world, and I walked into meetings with kings, prime ministers, congresses, and parliaments. Nobody paid attention to a dog as I often pretended to lay down and fall asleep. As I snoozed, I memorized what I heard. At night I went back to the hotel, and I called it in. I was one of the CIA’s top agents for five years, and I’m talking dog years here. Finally I got tired of the international travel and hotel life, and I asked for domestic. They put me in Homeland Security and I wandered around the airports of America learning Spanish, French, German, and Farsi. I broke up 71 terrorist plots in three years. Again I’m talking dog years .
“Finally I got too tired to work and came back to the farm. The old lady and I settle down and had two litters of puppies, and here I am.
Sam said, “You wait right here. I’ll be back.”
He walked around to the front of the farm house and knocked on the door again. The old farmer came out. Sam said, “I understand about the talking dog but why only $15?” The farmer said, “That dog is a liar. He’s never been out of the yard.”